so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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