You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize