I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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