Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
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This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
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U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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