Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
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