Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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