so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
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That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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