I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
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Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
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You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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