Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
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my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
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I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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