sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
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I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
we should paint friendship bongs
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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