Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
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Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
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