There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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