just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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