you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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