oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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