Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
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He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
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If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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