i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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