so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
So many bounce houses so little time
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize