Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
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The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
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He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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