She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
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Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
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Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
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