please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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