am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
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It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
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And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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