Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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