I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
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i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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