dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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