puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize