I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
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I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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