dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize