after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize