Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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