Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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