no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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