Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize