I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
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it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
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He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
we're so committed to being not committed
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize