walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize