Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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