sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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