I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She bit a glass in half.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
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We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
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Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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