So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
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If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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