Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize