the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
third nipple confirmed
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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