and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
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I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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