I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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