btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
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so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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