You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize