why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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