If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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