I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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