I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize