Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize